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I won't close my eyes, they're on to you
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Born on the 14th of June 1994. Single. I love eating fish but am not a fan of toothbrushes or homework. I'm also a die-hard fan of Chocolate and Ice-Cream. I was a troubled teen who put adverts in a magazine to the annoyance of my imaginary lover. I'd play soccer every hour of the day if I could. Leave a tag. Muah. :D
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Sunday, November 22, 200910:30 AM
My first short story.
Hello. Omg,this feels very weird. For the first time,i felt like i really need to update this blog. Haha. Okay,i've been up since 12 and its 4.58 am now. Whoa. 4 hours and 58 minutes. But for once i stayed up to do something worthwhile. Hehe,i wrote my very own short story. You readers might find it weird but yes,i sometimes write some random stuffs (depending on what i feel) and just crumple them and shove it in the bin. But today,i want you guys to read this short story of mine and i hope that after you guys read it,please please treasure you loved ones. Here goes... My cellphone's beeping sound woke me up one night. "Who in the world would be texting me at this time?" i asked myself. I grabbed my cell and sleepily pushed the buttons. "Hi there! Care to be my textmate?" Not knowing who the sender was, I deleted the message right away and placed the phone on my bedside table, I tried to go back to sleep. I had just closed my eyes when I heard the message tone again. "Hi there, again! Care to be my txtmate?" again, the message said. "Who the hell could this be asking for textmate at the wee hours of the night?" I asked myself. Again, without bothering to reply I deleted the message. I was never a 'textmaniac' - someone who enjoys texting anyone and everyone even at the wee hours of night, not to mention during the day. "Ignore it man.",I thought to myself. Just as I was to close my eyes and return to my dreamless sleep, the phone beeped again. Same number...Such determination! "Pls reply to this msg & be an angel & save me frm this abyss of emptiness!" I never knew why, but the message struck me. I got up and pushed the keys... I just realized I was replying to the message. "Im not an angel, and if u want someone to save you, im not superman... I'm just a simple prson who u woke up at this hour of my night,homie! Anyway, do I know you?" I typed. Seconds later,the reply came. "Nope. U don't know this lonely soul. Nor does she know you. But I want to be your frind. I'm Mikaella. U?" "Just call me Harry. How'd u get my no.?" I sent back. "Hi Harry. Nice to meet you. Just shuffled the last two digits of mine," she replied. That was the first and maybe the last time I met someone over the cellphone. We exchanged messages and learned so much about each other that night. We only said goodbye when my alarm clock rang at 5:00 AM! And that was also how it all started. A day would not pass without loving and thoughtful messages from her. It was only then I had learned to appreciate text messages and become eager and excited everytime my phone beeped, hoping it would be her. Mikaella brought out something about me that I never knew I had; I realized I could also be a romantic person... even if it's just through text messaging. "Keep me as a friend & I will keep you in my heart. Lock it up & throw away the key so dat no one can ever take you away from me..."One day, she sent this message to me. I replied: 'In life, we seldom find a true prson & if u ever find one, hold on & never let go... value that person cz it's life's gift that's worth keeping & holdin on..." I never knew why, but her response sent shivers to my spine, " Value the people who have touched your life bcause you will never know just when they will walk out of ur life & never come back again." I couldn't understand what I felt that moment, but one thing I was sure though... I could not go on a day without a single word from her. I became used to having her, even though we had not met personally. But truly, she already occupied a space, a large one, in fact in my life. I texted her back. "Dont come close if later you'll just pass by; don't touch me if later you'll just let me cry; dont love me if later you'll just leave me and won't stay..." I didn't know why I sent her that message, but somehow I felt, every word came from my heart. In the short span of time we were sending messages to each other, I knew, I was starting to keep her in my heart. I called her once. The voice on the other end was like an angel's. Soft, kind, full of love. Yet, there was something in it I couldn't define. We only talked for a few minutes. Before she hung up, she told me not to call again. According to her, it would be better if we would just text each other. But her voice kept ringing, not only in my head, but in my heart, I'd long to hear it once more. I tried to call her again, but she never answered the phone. She just kept on sending messages and quotations, which I copied in a little notebook. Hopeless romantic? I didn't know. All I could say was that all the messages she sent me were wonderful, they came from the heart and cut through the heart. "Though we're miles apart, you are always in my heart. I close my eyes & there you are. Even if I'll see you never again, I'll always be here to care for you, far longer dan forever..." One December night, she sent me this message. By that time we had been exchanging messages for more than a month. God knew how happy I was. She was right. Although we had not seen each other, what we felt was enough to make us both realize what was keeping us together. I sent her another message, "Loving you secretly is a hard thing for me to do,hoping, wondering that u will feel the same way too, but I can't read your mind to see if u love me too. But whatever it is, I'll still be loving you." "How I wish I could really tell you how much you mean to me, but im afraid to love, scared to get hurt... I hope tht u will wait fr me & pray that u will not get tired of loving me...=)" was her reply. And then I replied again. " The reason why I met you is because of destiny but if destiny will suggest dat I'll live without you, then, I'll lie not by destiny but of free will." Whenever I asked her when we would meet personally, she always answered, "Soon...soon, love...soon." Not seeing each other did not lessen, even a bit, what I felt for her...rather, it even grew deeper and stronger each day. And I was sure, she felt the same way, too. Love messages continued to flow through our lines, between our hearts, which made us go on each day with the thought that sooner, we would see each other, face to face, heart to heart. Just a few days before New Year. She stopped sending messages. At first I just though she had ran out of prepaid. But there was something that kept bothering me... I couldn't understand what was it, but it made me fell nervous. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer. Nevertheless, I continued sending messages. Suddenly one night, just three days before our the new year. I heard my phone's message tone again... at last!It was from her! "Often,times we say goodbye to the one we love,without wanting to. Though that doesn't mean that we stopped loving them or we stopped to care. Sometimes, GOODBYE is a painful way to say I LOVE YOU." I was dumfounded. I didn't know what to think of. What did she mean? I texted her back, searching for answers, but found nothing. I called her but she would not answer. For the first time in my life, I felt so miserable...desperate... empty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose her. I had learned to love her. And I wanted to be with her forever. The following days I felt nothing but emptiness. It seemed that Mikaella took the life out of me. I missed her so much...her messages...The tones that would tell me she'd sent another loving message. Nothing around me could feel the emptiness I felt. Tut...tut...tut...tut...tut...just a day before New Year, my cell beeped again. It was her! "Meet me at the café, 10 AM today," I read aloud, making sure the message was true, then I jumped with joy upon hearing from her again. Hurriedly, I got myself ready and I went to the mall. I knew it was still early, but I wanted to be there before she arrived. I arrived at the meeting place ten minutes earlier. I was surprised to see her already there, smiling at me. She was very beautiful, black, deep-set eyes that spoke a thousand words; small, kissable lips; a nose perfectly chiseled and long black hair - everything in her was beautiful. And yes, her eyes radiated kindness and love...but there was a flicker of something in them...sadness? "Hi, Harry," said the angelic voice I had been dreaming of each night. The voice that I had waited to hear for so long. "Please sit down." "I am very pleased to meet you, Mikaella," I said, as I took my seat and gave the roses I brought for her. "Thanks, Harry," she smiled, obviously pleased with the roses. I knew she loved pink roses. "You are always welcome, Love." "Harry, I can't stay," she said, sadness in her voice, or was it tears? "I really must go." "But we just met, Mikaella. Can't we talk a little longer?" I asked, pleadingly. "I can't really. I just came here to see you and thank you for the time you shared with me. Thank you for everything, Harry. I will never forget you...you will always be here in my heart." She was looking at me straight into the eyes, and I could really feel the sadness in her voice and I swear, there was something in her voice and I swear, there was something in those lovely yet lonely eyes... She got up and smiled at me, lovingly. "Tomorrow morning, please come and visit me," he said and gave me a piece of white linen paper. I read what was written and when I looked up, she was gone. The following day, New Year, I woke up early and excitedly readied myself,thinking of her. I hurriedly went to flower shop and bought a dozen pink roses - for Mikaella. They lived in an exclusive subdivision. Upon reaching their house, I told the guard who I was and that I was looking for Mikaella. The guard stared at me, sadness and amazement in his eyes and told me to wait as he called the owner of the house. As I looked at him while he was going inside the house, only then I noticed that the house was brightly lit. A woman went out and walked towards me, smiling sadly. "Hi, I'm Maria, Mikaella's mother. Please come inside, Harry." While we were walking towards the mansion, she explained to me why she knew me very well - Mikaella had always been talking about her friend, Harry. I hardly understood what she was saying. I was busy thinking why Mikaella's mother was crying while talking to me. As we came near the great hall of the house, it dawned on me that there was a wake inside, Maybe, a relative passed away, I thought. But deep in my heart, I was trembling and afraid. As we entered the hall where so many people were silently mourning while others were praying, shaking, I asked her mother. "Where is Mikaella?" She held my hand and silently, led me to the coffin which was surrounded by flowers - pink roses, nothing but pinkroses. No words could explain how I felt when I gazed at the coffin and saw who was lying there. The same beautiful girl I met... A man came beside me, I knew he was Mikaella's father. "We are so glad you came, Harry. Mika talked of you all the time. She even asked that her phone be buried with her. She said that in that way, you could still send her messages and you would always be with her." I couldn't believe everything... My mind was in limbo. "But how can this be? We just saw each other yesterday." "That can't possibly be. She passed away three days ago. She had been suffering from a heart disease since she was a child," said her father. "But..." I couldn't find the words to say. "She told us not to bother reaching you, "her mother said, still in tears," she said you will come, and here you are. Pain and bitterness overwhelmed me. I cried silently beside her, staring at her lovely face, memorizing every line of my friend's face, a face I knew I would never forget while I was still alive. After the internment that afternoon, I went to the Mosque she had told me she went everyday. Sitting there praying and crying to God, I held my phone and typed: "You taught me how to care; You taught me how to be kind; you showed me how to like somone; You shwd me how to love; but there's one thing you didnt teach me and it hurts the most. -You didnt teach me how to let go. I ALWAYS AND FOREVER WILL LOVE YOU. I sent the message, and though I knew she wouldn't be able to hold her CellPhone again, I knew in my heart she would get my message. I never expected a reply, yet as my phone beeped again,felt a shiver down my spine. The sender's number did not appear on the screen, and tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the message. "Let go of the hand of the person you love, but dont let go of God's hand. For if you hold his hand,he may be holding the person you love and the other hand to let you hold each other again." "I will never forget you,Mikaella and i will never let go.." I vowed to her and to myself as I left the mosque. -END- Okay the perfect way to end this post is by telling you guys to appreciate the one you love. Remember this. Life is only worth living once you've found someone worth dying for. Thanks for reading. Peace and love. :) TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, November 19, 20095:53 PM
A fool's tears.  Leave. Yes, finally I realized that I'm nothing without you. I was so wrong, forgive me. My broken heart transvered like a wave. My heart shook like the wind. My heart vanished like smoke. It can’t be removed simply like a tattoo can. I sighed deeply as if the ground is going to cave in. Only dusts pile up in my mind . Yeah, I thought I wouldn’t be able to live even one day without you. But i beat the odds and managed to live on longer than i thought. You don’t answer anything as I cry out “I miss you”. I hope for a vain expectation but now it’s useless. What is it about that person next to you, did she make you cry? Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely? I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can’t get close nor try to talk to you. I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times. Don’t look back and please.. leave. Don’t find me again and live on because I have no regrets from loving you. Take only the good memories. If we pass by each other on the street, act like you didn’t see me and go the way you were walking to. If you keep thinking about our past memories I might go look for you secretly. Always be happy with him, so I won’t ever get a different perspective of things. Even the smallest regret won’t be left. As far as im concerned,i have no regrets loving you. You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud. Yes, you should always smile like that,making the metals stand out. I hope your heart feels relieved. Please forget about me and live on. Those tears will dry completely, as time passes by. It would’ve hurt less if we didn’t meet at all. I hope you will bury our promise of being together forever. Goodbye, Peace and love. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, November 18, 20091:01 AM
Updates~
Hello world. Whoa,this blog is seriously dead. Can someone update for me please?! I'll give you my password! Bye! Haha. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, October 28, 20097:23 AM
I hate you. I AINT GONNA USE INITIAL, IM JUST GONNA COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY. NADIAH LING FUCK YOU FATASS BITCH. AGAIN FUCK YOU. PEACE AND LOVE. TOP OF PAGE
Sunday, October 11, 20097:04 AM
Whoa, it's been awhile. Ok wait, before I go on this is not A.H. Andddd I wont reveal my name. Never ever ever ^.^ Im the same person whom updated for him on Sunday, September 6. Today is what day? Sunday, again?! O.o Haha yknooow I actually laughed for a good 10 seconds everytime I sign into this account. HAHAHAHAHA! Well, i agree with some of the people that this year Raya is mundane. Honestly Raya this year wasn't really much celebrated. I don't know why. The hype died down like after 3 days into Syawal. But..... it was still nice nevertheless with the closed ones around. But now that raya is dying down, exams starting and all. Tskkkk! So good luck to all of you alright :) I can't wait to watch 2012. Heard of it? And I shall not delve further. Bad thoughts are not good for the mind. Heh. Maybe we should just kill all those mad scientists aye. Well actually, I am thankful for I still have wonderful friends around(exclude A.H HEHEHE) If you think that you are going through the worst obstacle ever in your life and feels that no one cares about you, always remember the victims of the earthquake, flood, unusual snow, typhoon from all over the world. If you really watch the news, you are gonna feel it. Isnt all these just coincidence? Tsk, so random. Dont blame me cos' he asked me to update about random stuffs. -.------- Ok, I kid about the 'exclude A.H' part. Hahaha he has been a great friend lah, ok? Omg,Monday bluesssss. I gotta go now. Bye you silly milly billy. I should have updated my blog instead of updating for him. Gr. OK GOODBYE! *angry face* P.S: Relink and links are done. :) TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, October 3, 20098:45 AM
I have a blog which is dead and im proud of it.
Hello occupants of Gaia. 2nd Raya outing yesterday with friends was off the hook. I had so much fun,that the thought of collecting money didnt crossed my mind. Pictures tmr! Bye! TOP OF PAGE
Friday, September 18, 20091:44 AM
Love makes the world goround~
I LOVE AMIRUL SHAZZANI AND AHMAD FATTAH. Enough said. |
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